Where Is My Mind?

I really should stop thinking that the world revolves around me.

I don't know why I do. I hate that side of me too. I'd slap me too if I were someone else. I'd slap me hard.

I don't understand why I keep thinking that everyone's out to get me. They're not. I know they're not. We may not be close but goddammit, they're still my friends and I know better than to keep thinking that they're secretly all against me.

They have no reason to. I haven't done anything wrong. Not that I know of.

Fucking paranoia. Kakaburat talaga. Dahil sa 'yo lahat sa akin nasisira. Tulog, pokus, BAIT amputa. I really hate this feeling with all my hearts, if I had more than one heart.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

It's like, one week I'm OK and everything's going just fine, and the next week... here I am. Back to square one. I really fucking hate feeling like this. I could cry; I'm serious.

Kulang lang ba ako sa tulog? Sa pagkain? Sa iyak? Sa social life? Ano? Sabihin niyo lang, para naman maayos ko tong nararamdaman ko. Is it hormones? Is it stress? WHAT IS MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY?!

I don't know anymore. And I don't want to care.

Tangina naman o... pumatok pa talaga to kung kailan ako nagkaka-hell week.

Mamaya na nga.

RANT

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to open up to the world. I'm usually the one asking questions, listening, reacting, everything.

I almost never tell people jack shit about my life, if I can help it. I don't know why either so don't ask.

I guess it's because I tell so little about myself that whenever I actually do I expect some sort of decent feedback, not just an NR or a few half-hearted grunts or comments. I know it's childish but yeah, I try to fix it.

Nakakainis rin kasi minsan eh. Alam kong hindi ko dapat i-expect na magre-react yung mga tao sa paraang gusto ko pero tangina lang talaga eh.

Maybe I should just shut up about myself. Nobody cares, anyway. Parang what's the point? Other people obviously don't want to know about you so why the fuck should I even bother offering to give the people whom I consider worthy of my attention a piece of my person? Di ba?

Takte. Bahala na nga lang. Ewan ko lang ba sa sarili ko. Minsan di ko talaga maintindihan kung ba't may paki pa rin ako. This world is a hundred per cent fake, and rotten to the core. Sometimes it's so hard to see the good in all this shit. I swear.

I think I'll go to bed now.

Hmm.

OK, so it's been 20 days since my last post. Wow. Almost three weeks since I last blogged.

Man, I can remember when I used to blog almost every day. That was one freaking long time ago. Like a few months ago. LAWL.

Anyway, I don't get either why I don't blog as often as I used to. Tinatamad kasi ako palagi eh. Not to mention lately I've tended to keep my feelings to myself. Fuck, I don't know.

I guess part of it's because I, after several billion years, finally have a life. HA. It's not always the Internet for me after all. :D

I don't really have much to post here anymore. Guess I'll post when I feel the need to. Hopefully it'll be a fairly long time from now.

Until then, I guess. :D

TANGINA NAMAN O

Pano ba naman kasi. Ang init, eh! DX

Kakauwi ko lang at pucha prito na ang balat ko kakabilad at kakalakad sa araw. Di man lang umulan, o. Etits. Yung init na pang-alas-tres naging init na pang-ala-una. What next, what next?! >_<

Ah, ewan. Kasalanan nating lahat ito, gustuhin man natin o hindi. The way I see it, we're digging our own graves. The fact that this kind of heat even exists is mos def a wake-up call for us to start reconsidering our lifestyle. Lalala pa ito ng lalala hanggang tumigil tayo sa pagkuha ng pagkuha kay Inang Kalikasan. It's our mess and no one else is expected to pick up after us.

PAKSHET.

Huh.

I don't really blog any more.

I don't know why.

Actually right now I'm just forcing myself to type this shit down. Because I'm really bored. -_-

There was a time when I would blog incessantly, almost everyday and sometimes even twice a day. Now those days are over and now I don't know what to do with my life.

Huh.

*sleeps*

Ten things I really should be telling myself more often

1. A promise is a promise, no matter whom you make it to. Promises were meant to be kept, not broken, which is why they even exist. If you can't keep your promises it's better that you don't make any at all.

2. You're 18 years old, for fuck's sake. You'll be 19 in a few months and you won't get any younger. Pretty soon the happy bubble you live in will be gone forever and the next thing you know you'll be thrust into a world where no one will take you seriously if you don't prove yourself. Better man up.

3. Nobody ever did shit lying down, so if you want something done, you'd better get off your ass and get your head in the game.

4. The mainstream is overrated. Just because you don't live like everyone else doesn't mean you're automatically a bad person. Learn to love yourself for who you are.

5. Your best is never good enough. Even if you think it is, it's not. You are not the best writer, the best speaker, the best reader, the best artist, the best student, the best friend, the best son, the best ANYTHING. Because for every good man there is always someone better, and if you want to make your way up top, you'd better be prepared to climb a very steep hill.

6. No one is immortal. We all die sooner or later so we'd better not test the hands of fate.

7. Love is not a contest. If she doesn't come, then it only means it's not yet time and you're going to have to wait. In the meantime, why don't you grow up a lot? Patience is a virtue, and so is maturity.

8. You don't learn to think on your feet and the world will eat you alive.

9. Shit happens and when you're down, there's really no where else to go but up. Ranting and crying may be healthy but other than that they're useless and immature. Cry hard, work harder, and maybe one day you'll get what you want.

10. Your homework's not gonna do itself.

Hi.

Bye.

:)