Scared shitless.

12 in the morning. 12:03 to be exact.

Should be sleeping by now but damn.

So as the title suggests I'm pretty much scared pantsless.

I see only rough times ahead for me unless life makes a complete 180-degree turnaround.

I'm not going to elaborate on this anymore. I will however leave a clue for those curious to figure out for themselves:

I'm not alone in this. It's a problem my whole family has to face.

OK, not just my family. The world in general.

What scares me the most is that I may be safe right now in my little hidey-hole but in a few years I won't be that safe anymore. I'm going to have to crawl out with whatever weapon I can find and face the big bad monsters under my bed all by myself.

And when that time comes, will I be ready for the challenge? Will my armor, my weapon, my intellect be enough for me to come crawling back home, wounded yet alive, left to die another day?

That I don't know yet.

I am human. I don't know. I always don't know. And that is why I am often afraid, because humans fear what they neither know nor understand. What doesn't help is the fact that I can't afford to be afraid.

Will three years be enough time for me to prepare?

That I don't know.

Like I said, I always don't know. And I rarely understand.

Fuck all this. I'm going to bed. I need a clear head. (Rhyme unintended)