My One Big Dream

Right now is to go to Baguio and live there right after I graduate.

What am I gonna do there?

I don't know. I'll probably teach at UP Baguio. Or work for some small company. Or sell strawberries. Or make pots. Or hide out in the mountains and make nice with the tribes if they don't mind not-tribesmen and the NPA if they don't mind not-communists.

I don't care.

Right now I just want to be free from city living. I mean it's nice here and all but man. It's not really the city that gets to me. It's the capitalism and consumerism that do. It's like an itch I just can't scratch away. The everyday struggle that gets people involved in this shit-ass rat race for power and wealth and prestige.

Money. It's ALWAYS about money. ALWAYS. We wake up and eat and go to work and stay in school because of money. We spend long hours late at night away from the people we love because of money. We grow fat, old, and tired faster because of money. We get sick and die because of money.

It's all about money. It's all about position. It's all about power. It's all about temporary joy and false happiness. It's all about the things we think are so important we owe them our lives but are really just a backdrop to the big picture.

It's all this materialism that ruins relationships, lives, souls. I WANT OUT. For fuck's sake. My biggest dream right now is to find the strength and the will power inside me to purge my system of all fear and doubt and short-sightedness and break free of the illusion of material wealth and political power and bloated ego that takes a man's idealism and hope and dreams, envelopes them, then consumes them whole until there is literally nothing left of the man but a dreary, hollow, shallow outline of his former self.

I want nothing more right now than to run through fields of grain, barefoot, propelled by wind and roasting slowly under the hot afternoon sun, screaming my lungs out in unmistakable ecstasy.

I want to be liberated, mind, body and soul, from the fears that weigh my heart down like anchors to a ship.

I want to transcend the overwhelming addiction to possessions and material nothings.

I WANT TO BE FREE.